Busy Week Coming Up
The weekend was more up and down. Times of feeling strong and confident, and times of feeling very overwhelmed/sad/angry/scared.
On Friday we saw the medical oncologist for the first time. A lot of what she said was similar to what the surgeon had said on Thursday, just in more detail.
She said that they will do 6 months of chemo. 4 rounds of one dose every 3 weeks, and then 12 rounds of once a week. After that, the oncologist agreed with the surgeon that Chelsea would need the full mastectomy and then radiation.
One new thing she said was beyond that treatment, Chelsea will need to be on 5-10 years of hormone therapy. This was a huge shock and a massive bummer because you can't get pregnant during this time because there are large risks.
It has been very tough to have the timeline keep getting longer and longer. It already feels like this is going to steal a year of our lives, but with adding at least 5 years to starting a family has been a little rough to swallow.
Saturday was probably the best day we had. Chelsea had a watercolor class and we were able to hang out with friends and family and be mostly busy. We went into Sunday trying to have it be a day when we don't cry, but when you're scared and feeling broken, going to church has a way of not letting that happen 😛 (esp when today's sermon was on Jesus healing a man who was paralyzed).
We have been very stressed about the upcoming tests this week, because that is when we find out if it has spread or not.
We are obviously hoping and praying that it hasn't spread. Chelsea has been having alot of peripheral pain and soreness in her chest and back which has been causing lots of stress and fear in her that it has spread to those areas.
It is hard now that she knows something is inside her that shouldn't be there, not to fear every new pain or sensation that doesn't feel normal. This next week will be filled with a lot of anxiety for test results, but I feel confident it will end in good news.
This whole process has been very tough, and there are many times (most of the time) that it feels so much more than we can handle. Something I feel like you hear a lot as a Christian is that "God won't give you more than you can handle." I don't have any scripture or anything to back this up, but I don't feel like that is true. I think that the times when there is more than you can handle are the times you are forced to rely fully on God knowing you can't do it yourself. Without those times, when would you need God if you could handle everything that came your way.
This is definitely a time when it feels well beyond what we are capable of handling. I honestly feel like we are just broken, afraid, and unmoving and right now and we can't do anything more than let Jesus carry us through this time.
We have been praying non-stop that somehow, this week, the scans will show nothing and the cancer will be gone. That is the Jesus story we are rooting for. When I have been praying for this though, and I'm not sure if this is actually from God or not, but I have had this feeling and have heard in my head "No, this is not the story I'm telling".
This will not stop me from praying and hoping that the story is still a complete cure before any measures are taken, but, I am also praying that if that is not the story, that he would give us strength to accept that, and that he would continue to be alongside us for the journey.
We don't yet know why this has happened, but I really hope and know that God will use it in some way. I just also hope that it is with healing now rather than healing through the long drawn out process.
We are also praying that the scans this coming week will show that the cancer has not spread. If the cancer has to be there, we want it to be isolated so it can be treated as so, and not bring on the stress and possibly extra treatment if it has spread.
I am really hoping, and do think that we are in the hardest part of this journey. The discovery and the unknown just let the mind run wild. I know the rest is going to be difficult, but I think the physical distress will be easier than the mental distress that is currently going on.
- Complete healing that the journey will end this week
- Acceptance if that isn't the story God is writing and for him to be alongside us for the journey
- That the cancer hasn't spread
- That we can get in for the PET and bone scan before thursday since they are still waiting on insurance approval
- Mental strength through the next week as the scans happen and we find out the results
This feels kind of like a bummer of a post, but, that is just how we feel right now. We just feel stressed, angry, confused, and most of all, scared.
Thank you for taking the time to read and share along with us. The encouragement and support we have received has helped more than I can ever say. It really helps to get through the days when you get the comments or texts or whatever knowing people are there and praying for you. Thank you.
- MRI - Monday 9:30am
- Echocardiogram - Monday 12pm
- Fertility - Monday 1:30pm
- PET Scan - TBD
- Bone Scan - TBD
- Radiation oncologist - Thursday 10:45am
- Surgeon follow up - Thursday 1:15pm
- Medical oncologist follow up - Friday 11:45am