All Buttoned Up

Shirt: Old Navy; Pants: Gap (old; similar); Blazer: Target (old; similar); Shoes: Me Too

I wore this outfit on a bit of a challenging day for me. I won't get into too much detail here, but essentially, I had to have another small surgical procedure because a small area of the wound from my mastectomy was not healing properly. I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and frustration, as this continues to push back my radiation start date. I'm still well within the "safe" range for starting radiation, but honestly, I just want to get it over with and feel like I can begin to move on with my life. I feel suck in this weird limbo, where I know that the cancer is gone, but I still have to finish up the last of my treatment.

I'm currently in the process of reading the bible in a year. I found this really awesome devotional/journaling bible on Amazon that I've been loving. Right now I'm reading through Exodus and I'm at the point where it's talking about all of the minutiae of building the tabernacle and I'll be totally honest with you, it's a bit of a yawn.

But then this morning, I flipped to the next page and in the center was a small blurb; this particular bible calls them "Treasures of Truth," and it simply said, "God will work out his plan in His own time." I really can't even tell you how it related to what I was reading, but the moment I saw it, I actually said aloud, "OK, God. I get it. Your timing; not mine."

Up until this point, I'd mapped out a very specific timeline for when I wanted all of my treatment to be completed. And until now, everything had actually stayed perfectly on track. My chemotherapy treatments were never delayed for any reason. My mastectomy was done on the exact day that I had picked out months in advance. Everything was aligning perfectly.

And now, I've reached this point, where I'm soooo close to the finish line and God's telling me, "Wait." I'm not good at waiting. I'm actually really bad at it. But I'm working my hardest to trust that God has a reason for all of this. I definitely don't understand it right now. There's been A LOT about this past year that I haven't understood. If I had a nickel for every time I asked God, "Why why why why???" this year, I'd be a very rich lady.

But I just keep reminding myself that God has brought me SO far already. When I look back to where I was nine months ago, completely lost, broken, terrified, I think to myself, "Look at where you are now." I can't even tell you how I got out of bed each morning during those first few weeks because I truly don't know, other than to say that only by the grace of God was I able to peel myself off the floor, put on my clothes, and face the day.

And let me tell you, it's an ongoing struggle. I've been through so much and I've come so far, but there are still so many days where I think, "This should have never happened." But the fact of the matter is, it did. And I'm slowly learning to process and accept it; accept it as part of my story. And I have to hope that somehow, maybe even in just the tiniest way, my story will make an impact in someone else's life. Maybe it will, maybe it won't, but I know it's changing me, and I'm hoping it's for the better.

So this was my I-need-some-confidence-for-today outfit. Whenever I wear a blazer, I feel like a strong, powerful, competent woman. Can anyone else relate?

Anyway, thank you so much for reading this super duper long post! Hope you all of have a great day!

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